


The Dirty Twirlies

by BenevolentFae



Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-10 13:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15950207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenevolentFae/pseuds/BenevolentFae
Summary: What if Nick had come home just a little bit later, and Jess HAD knocked on Schmidt's door that Valentine's Day?





	1. Chapter 1

Exhausted, he didn't even bother to turn on the light. Schmidt had barely had a second to undo the last button of his lavender chambray button down when a gentle knock sounded on his door. He considered ignoring it; leaving whatever idiotic inquiry his roommates could possibly think was important en kids'ough to bother him with until daylight. But huffing a frustrated sigh, he left his black tie slung loosely over his shoulders and swung open the door.  
"This better be important," he warned, matter-of-factly. "I need at least nine hours of solid rest and two hours of vigorous yoga each morning just to function at maximum Schmidt-ocity." Surprise washed over his features when he realized who was before him. He drank in the sight of a razzled Jess with his brow cocked expectantly. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair just the perfect amount of mussed that it was still sexy. Jess gulped as she pulled her wide ocean eyes off his bare chest and up to his ever perfect face. Her little black dress hung just above the knees, and, though not as scrumptious on her as it had been on Cece, gave her an air of charm with a few dashes of naughtiness. Amusement tickled his features as he noticed the large box of condoms cradled tightly to her chest, and her impossibly Rosey cheeks darkened further.  
"I was jus-.." Jess cut herself off, a war waging heavy in her mind. As he watched the wheels turning, his lips tugged up into his famous cocky smirk.  
"Just what Jess," he asked knowingly, sporting an overly dramatic grin, taunting her to take the bait. He wasn't totally surprised to see her practically begging _to take a ride on the Schmidty Express._

 _'Just wanted to ask you for a good old fashioned one night stand,_ ' she thought in her best old-timey gangster voice. The silence oozed with tension as she mentally chastised herself, because how could she possibly have stooped so low? This was Schmidt we were talking about. **SCHMIDT**! Yet, with her lungs heaving under the weight of her remarkably poor decisions she clung to whatever shreds of courage (if that's what we're calling it) she could find.  
"Just thinking about your advice," she offered, looking everywhere but his eyes. "The one you gave to, yenno.. meeee." She motioned towards the front door. "Over there.. Aaaand how you said to just not think so much, and all that." Jess rambled on for what felt to her like an eternity, dragging out her words awkwardly. She was like a little bird, all wild-eyed and skittish. Schmidt leaned provocatively against the doorframe, wondering how far she would let this go on before she changed her mind and fled. When his pink tongue darted out to wet his lips, Jessica's eyes followed the motion hungrily, her skin crawling and crackling with electricity. He could practically taste the desire radiating off her, but still he remained there, unwavering hazel eyes prodding for why she was there, at HIS door. Wide, baby blue irises seemed to be wondering the same.

"It's good advice," he simply stated, glancing minutely at the floor. When he swooped his head back up to peer into her face, he shot her his best moneymaker smile. Though she'd seen it over a thousand times, in this moment it affected her MUCH differently. Jess inwardly cursed the ""dirty twirlies" writhing within her. She sucked in her lower lip, physcially holding back the forbidden words barely hidden behind her jumbled explanation. Jess clenched her eyes shut, blocking out the sensations pooling between her thighs, and the nearly shirtless devil before her. She tried not to smell his cologne, or hear his even breaths. She did her best to turn around and walk away, crawl into her own bed and just finish herself off before calling it a night. But with his words ricocheting through her mind and pink wine twirling about in her veins, she drew tentatively within bounds of his personal space. For a moment, neither dare breathe, the fire in their eyes burning hot enough to stop time in it's tracks.

"Someone I know," Jess murmured, alcohol tinged breath ghosting over Schmidt's chin. And he understood then just how much she trusted him, and How vulnerable this Beautiful friend of his was. Standing here before him in her little black dress, hair mussed from a night out with the wrong guy (maybe even the WORST guy ever?). There, at HIS door, of all doors. So when she moved in to kiss him, he let her, And he only imagined it was Cece for half a heartbeat.  
When his arms encircled her waist and dragged her body flush against his, she let him, enchanted by his warm, exposed skin. He quickly tugged them backwards and into his dark room, kicking the door shut without their mouths ever breaking contact. Schmidt's expert hands slipped the tiny zipper down from the nape of her neck, revealing a wide triangle of her back. As he pressed her into the door, those same hands traveled up into her hair, down her jaw and to her shoulders. A low, needy moan purred from Jess, surprising them both. Schmidt hesitated and drew back to look into her eyes.  
"You sure, Jess?" He kept his face washed of emotion, giving her a guilt-free ride in case she changed her mind and wanted to call off the whole thing. But in return he received a nervous smile and a tiny nod as she sheepishly brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Nervous quickly warped to mischievous, as she pulled her bottom lip between her glistening teeth, a small grin peaking from the corners of her mouth. She watched the honey drip from his eyes, replaced with a fiery dark desire. It was all the encouragement he needed, and he lunged for her again, crashing their swollen lips together. Tongues intertwined, exploring the heady flavor of lust and scandal, fingers fluttering over flushed skin. Jess whimpered musically as Schmidt worked his steady hands up her thighs, hiking one knee around his hips and bringing their bodies closer. She could feel his erection grinding into her, not quite where she needed it, but close enough to drive her nuts. His hands continued their upwards exploration, wrapping around her waist to grope her behind. She tangled her fingers in his silky, dark hair, reflexively tugging when she felt his hands dipping down between her thighs. As he inched his way to her core everything else stilled. He pulled back just enough to watch her reactions, and she couldn't seem to break eye contact, or breathe as he glides a finger over her wetness. For a moment she sees his eyebrows shoot up to the moon, because he totally expected there to be underwear. In her defense, he'd taken her to a club for the soul purpose of "lookin for some strange" merely hours before.

"Jessica Day," he exclaimed, completely scandalized. "You're breaking about seven household rules right now. SEVEN!"  
Jess wiggled her hips slightly, moaning when she made him hit THAT spot. "We can talk about that later," she panted.  
"You can sure bet we will! Clearly this loft is falling to hell, and it's high time we call a team meeting." Jess groaned loudly and tossed her head back against the door as his shrill voice pierced through the mood.   
"Schmidt," she pleaded. The way she whined his name stirred something feral in him, and he began to move his hand against her folds with purpose. He ghosted the back of his index over her clit, gently massaging her nub until she moaned his name again. Schmidt revelled in the noises that escaped her when he laved his tongue over her neck, his teeth and stubble nipping at her pulse point. He felt the slight wobble in her legs when he palmed her breasts over the fabric of her dress. She was practically dripping for him as he teased and touched her, pure putty (quite literally) in his hands. He rubbed her softly, but relentlessly, studying her reactions until she thrashed her head side to side and came hard, leaning against the door to his room.

While she winded down, he spun them the short distance to his bed and sat her on the edge. When he kissed her again, it was unhurried and gentle, surprising them both. Her chest heaved widely as her lungs chased after air, trembles working throughout her pale limbs. Schmidt massaged her muscles tenderly, coaxing her back down to earth and whispering quiet hushes against her skin until she was lucid.

"Stand up," he ordered, sitting slightly on the bed beside her. Still dazed, she shot up from the mattress and stood before him. "Take off your dress." Something about his deep, commanding tone had her ready and wanting all over again, and heat spread through both her cheeks and her thighs. Jess slid the straps down her shoulders at an agonizing pace, the thin fabric falling to the floor. As it pooled about her ankles he hardened at the sight of her, entirely naked before him. Not that he thought about her boobs often, but they were bigger than he'd imagined them to be. The chaste, girlish outfits she usually sported did wonders to hide the flowing curves of her hips, and he didn't think he'd ever noticed how long her legs were. Jessica Day was more stunning than he'd given her credit for. He suddenly realized that she was watching him and blinked back at her. She was waiting for him. To tell her what to do. It was a notion that made his cock twitch.  
"Come here," he rasped out, voice lower and gruffer than she'd ever heard it before. The intensity in his features suffocated any witty remark Jess might have thought up in a moment such as this, and She stepped out of her dress and forwards between his knees. With blazing cheeks she didn't shy away when he reached out and pulled her up to straddle his lap. He cleared his throat, eyes dark, and cupped both breasts, one in each hand. She shuddered against him as he tweaked her small nipples, dipping his head to run his tongue over each one. Jess reached down between them for his belt, the warmth of her knuckles brushing low against his stomach causing his breath to hitch. He sat back on the bed, propped by his elbows and stared down at her with a sly grin, watching her determinedly fumble with the clasp. He bit his lip and lifted his hips for her as she carefully tugged down his zipper and briefs, his fully erect cock springing free. He ate up the startled expression on her face, and gaped in awe. Not that she thought about it often, but he was more impressive than she'd imagined it would be. Jess sidled down to the floor, landing on her knees. Pulling his pants the rest of the way down his legs she tossed them aside. When she turned back to him her huge eyes never left his as she wrapped her mouth around him. With her porcelain face looking up at him, her lips just barely around the tip of his cock, he nearly came right then and there. Schmidt fisted the sheets as she worked her magic tongue over him, throwing his head back with a deep moan. Jess licked at the underside of his cock, wetting it before she took it deep down her throat. She moved slowly, her touches teasing and glorious. Her eyelids fluttered closed as she pushed down to the hilt, her nose burried in his crotch, and Schmidt battled the urge to buck his hips. One hand fisted roughly in her hair, though he wasn't sure if he wanted to pull her off or keep her there. When she withdrew, his eyes were clasped tight and his mouth in a wide "O" shape, and she beamed with pride. He tugged her up, and she climbed to straddle him again.   
"Girl, I'm 'bouts to rock your world." Schmidt beamed his grandest, most brilliant douchebag grin from below her petite frame, and the word 'jar' nearly tumbled from her lips out of habit. Quick as a whip he shifted their positions, rolling their bodies until he was on top of her and he knees bent up around his waist. Jess let out a yelp, which morphed into a moan as he slid down her body, peppering her skin with hot wet kisses as he went.

When he reached her belly button, his stubble tickled her tummy and made her squirm and giggle.

When he reached her bare pantyline, his breath felt cool against her wetness, which made her eyes drift close and a throaty moan burst from her chest.

And when he slipped two fingers into her tight wet heat, rubbing vigorously at her g-spot with his tongue dancing over her clit, he made her cum harder than she ever had before.

Shcmidt used the time she needed to recover to quickly rummage through his pant pocket, snagging the condom in his wallet. As she blinked away the stars clouding her eyes, she laughed; a deep, heartwarming belly laugh. Never, in the history of Jess had she had two orgasms during a romp in the hay. And NEVER in all her wildest dreams did she think it would be Schmidt to give it to her. She pushed up on her elbows to look him in the eyes and tell him so, but was instead struck frozen at the sight of the rubber in his fingertips.

Schmidt was tossing and turning the condom in his hands, wondering heavily to himself:   
_'am I really doing this? This isn't just some girl, this is Jessica damn Day.'_  
He really did love her, in the way best friends adore each other. He cared for her, and about her, and he'd always hoped he never did anything to hurt her. Yet here she was laying in his bed, whimpering his name, coming undone upon his silken sheets. If merely trying to kiss her on his birthday was a solid fifty dollars in the jar, THIS would send him into bankruptcy and completely ruin his five-year plan.

".. Schmidt?"

Jess withered under his uncertainty, suddenly ashamed. What had changed? Maybe.. was it her? He hadn't said a thing, hadn't even looked at her, but the rejection whistled sickeningly through her ribs, roaring and clawing its way around the silence of the room.

"I should go.." Jess mumbled, covering her breasts with her forearms. She tilted her head down and her hair curtained her face, hiding the tears burning behind her eyes. As she shuffled about the room collecting her clothes he let her, wishing more than anything that she wouldn't hate him for thinking she deserved far better. He politely averted his gaze while she haphazardly tugged on her dress with trembling fingers, and bile rose up within the hollows of her throat. How funny he was to look away while she dressed, Jess thought, considering he'd already seen all of her. Hastily half-dressed and with a million and one doubts trampling her pride she snagged the box of condoms and slipped from his bedroom, closing the door as quietly as she could.

For a brief moment she contemplated barging back in, demanding to know what was so wrong with her that he couldn't stomach the thought of sleeping with her. And she might have, had it not been for the startling sounds of Nick's house keys clanging into the kitchen. With bulging eyes and almost comical disapproval he wrapped his large hands around her shoulders, shaking sense into her. What was she thinking; SCHMIDT!? And so when he called her a fool and told her ' _No freakin way,'_ all but dragging her towards her own bedroom, she let him.


	2. Aftermath

It had been two weeks, and Jess was growing increasingly fed up with the effort of disappearing into shadows. As was Schmidt, when he noted that she seemed to be locked in a rather graceless dance of tiptoeing the edges of his peripheral. He'd made multiple earnest attempts towards a private conversation, and she'd swiftly avoided each one. But.. how could they talk about what had been such an intimate thing for her, when it had only been a dumb, drunken mistake for him, without hurting feelings? It was pretty common knowledge that Schmidt wasn't the most easygoing when it came to his pride. But a monstrous mistake was clearly all it had been. One that, no matter how you drew it, she had gone too far and it would never EVER happen again. Even if they had initially enjoyed it. They'd been foolish, and he'd had to shoot her down with.. that look; did they really have to suffer more by talking it over? 

 

But the effort of making sure she never ran into him, unless there were at least two other people present in the room, was exhausting. While Nick chose to believe that she'd only planned on giving the ginormous box of penile barriers to the man in question, Winston had taken to squinting suspiciously between the two. Old Winnie really wasn't as clueless about secrets as he alluded to be, and Jess gravely feared he might put the puzzle pieces together if they didn't fix this awful mess. 

 

And soon.

 

There was painful evidence of bruising on her hip from one particularly epic nosedive over various pieces of furniture, and she refused to perform anymore loft acrobatics. No, the avoidance game couldn't go on forever. The loft was like a family, their home a safe harbor for the wandering ships, and she had to work this out sometime. Jess rather preferred to pack the whole thing into the past before anyone else found out about it.

 

So here she was, hours before dawn on the roof. She wiggled her toes in her fuzzy pink slippers while she waited, making a mental note to sew a pair of floppy rabbit ears to each one. What could be cuter than wee bunny slippers, after all? It was the final day of February, and the morning air was unforgiving as it bit at her cheeks, even through the blanket she'd wrapped around her body and over her head like a cloak. She perched upon the mint green bench with the chipping paint, her back

hunched forwards to clutch her knees to her chest in a vain attempt for warmth. If it weren't for the howling of the wind through the barren streets, she probably would have noticed when an equally bundled Schmidt plopped suddenly beside her. But fate had other plans, and she jumped so high she could officially check skydiving off her bucket list. Unwilling to tear her eyes from her fidgeting fingertips just yet, they sat in uneasy silence, neither sure where to begin. 

 

Finally, when Jess opened her mouth and bit the bullet, he let her.

 

"So we should talk about it," she murmured through tightly clenched teeth, squeezing her eyelids together with as much force as she could so she didn't have to see his reaction. When he spoke, his voice no more than a whisper over the wind, his words surprised her.

 

"We don't have to.."

 

How she longed for that to be true. She wanted, more than anything, in that moment to take him at his word, toss the entire mess carelessly over their shoulders, and get right on back to normal. But she'd made him touch her naked, and things weren't normal. Not in the slightest.

 

"Yes we do," she sighed, eyeing him wistfully. He nodded once, eyes wearily drifting over her small, defeated shoulders. Countless apologies had filtered mercilessly through her brain before he'd come outside, and she'd been dutifully rehearsing her speech during the previous weeks, but all the practice failed her miserably in the face of confrontation. Nothing seemed adequate against her drunken transgressions. So, instead, she resorted to her go-to self defense mechanism; a healthy dose of humor.

 

"Think the grocery store has a card that says 'I'm so so sorry that I tried to jump your bones like a rabid animal?'"

 

Her laughter was nervous, a pale shadow in comparison to her more natural tones, and his brow quirked in confusion.

 

"Wait, why are you apologizing?"

 

"Ohmygodyoudon'tevenremember!?" It flew from her mouth frantically as her tone raised several octaves. The horrifying possibility crept into her freshly chilled veins, and her pale skin turned ivory in the moonlight. "I took advantage of you while you were that drunk, oh my god I can-"

 

"Took advantage of me? Jess, what are you talking about?"

 

"Okay, this may come as a complete shock to you, but I practically seduced you on Valentine's Day," she rambled. His eyes bugged incredulously, and it fanned the ever-growing flames of her guilt. "I totally get it if you call the cops, because I deser-"

 

He had to cut her off, because she was spewing nonsense and it was hurting his brain.

 

"No I remember, I just.. You-" He trailed off, running a hand through his dark hair. Bile welled at the back of his throat, because he realized that she blamed herself for him turning her away, and he'd unwittingly let her by not forcing this conversation sooner. Great, now he was double the jackass he'd acted as.

 

"You think I didn't.. want you?"

 

The telltale shrug and crimson flush stretching vibrantly down her neck was answer enough. 

 

"That's.. cra-. No Jess, God no! Of course I wanted to."

 

A strange sense of hope tapped on her heart, leaving her conflicted. While she was pretty sure that she shouldn't have ever wanted to sleep with Schmidt, it would be a comfort to know he hadn't found her repulsive. But.. why else would her reasonably (and proudly) slutty friend turn her away at such a pivotal moment?

 

"But you stopped." She hadn't phrased it as a question, but he knew her well enough to take it as one.

 

"Of course I did," he wailed, earning a flinch from the blue-eyed doll beside him.

 

Though it made her cringe when he shifted his body towards her, his soft hands lifting to cradle her face, she let him. He locked his chocolate gaze on her face, and hot air  warmed her face from the words he breathed over her soggy cheeks. "You're too good to be just another hookup, Jessica Day."

 

The frigid air surrounding them refused to be pulled into her shock stricken lungs. A heady mixture of untainted love for her roommate, and warm relief had tears springing to her eyes, threatening to spill over. Because he hadn't deemed her, or her body, so unworthy that he was unwilling to sleep with her. He'd been trying to protect her. He valued her, a feat he shamelessly reserved when it came to his harem of conquests. But he showered her with it freely, albeit a little late in the game, and had refused to let her make the very mietakm she'd been berating herself for. Yeah, she was the luckiest gal in the world.

She desperately needed to be very clear with him on one thing.

 

"That's why I picked you." 

 

Surprise reeled his shoulders back, as though he needed to see her from a greater distance to gauge her honestly. He found nothing but genuineness in her glistening smile, and, despite the result of last time, he was overcome with impulse. He loved this odd girl, felt her influence present in every fibre of his confident being. Slowly, as though approaching a frightened animal, he leaned towards her. His lips were drawn to hers, like magnets, but he refused to rush it. She panted softly in anticipation, but she didn't pull away, didn't even move. Their minds begged them not to be so idiotic, but they ignored them. When their mouths were no more than an inch apart he paused, and Jess knew him well enough to know that he wasn't asking permission, he was simply just giving her the choice.

 

And so, with he marvelously chocolate eyes on hers, she decided. Impossibly tiny fingers tangled in the thick strands of his hair, and when she closed the gap to press her lips tentatively to his, he let her.

 

Whether it was Schmidt or Jess who deepened the kiss was unclear, but one tongue was soon tasting the other, teasing and sure. Fingertips sought out curly locks, and cheeks, and heavily cloaked hips under flannel quilts, and there was nothing sexy about it. But there was love, and a whole lot of it, and it spurred them on. There was bottomless understanding, and a shy hint of familiarity in their facial mingling. Their hands intertwined, and Jess let out a pleasant sigh as they pulled apart, hazily coming up for air.

 

Grinning wide as the sun, the pair eyed each other amicably, and Schmidt chuckled.

 

"Nothing," he said, his eyes wide in sincerity.

 

"It was definitely the wine," Jess giggled. If ever there were a time for a happy dance, this was it. In fact...

 

"I'm trying to have a touching, film-worthy heart to heart, and I can't take you seriously when you're shaking your rumpus in that godawful Yeti suit!"

 

His shrill whine was so unashamedly Schmidt that she couldn't fight back her rich laughter. It was as though all the pieces clicked back into place, the puzzle finally matching the picture on the box. They had made it through the wreckage left in wake of their sexual blunder, and everything was as it should be. As it should have always been. With her arms wrapping tenderly around this man she loved, she whispered into his ear over a soft sigh.

 

"You're my best friend, Schmidt."

 

"Well it's about time you admit it," he chastised, a secret thrill running through him. She'd become one of his most cherished friends in such a short amount of time, and he'd really missed her.

 

"Yeah," she said, more content than she'd been in a real long time. He hesitated, pondering over her words and their relationship, but still somehow afraid. He couldn't bear to lose her.

 

"You're mine too," he murmured sheepishly. Her high-watt smile was worth it, he decided.

 

"As much as I love a good covert conversation in the Arctic climate," she teased, bumping her shoulder into his. "Could we mosey on inside?"

 

Schmidt shot to his feet, dragging her with him as he wondered aloud why in the hell he'd let her drag him out into the dry air in the first place. Didn't she know how bad it was for his silky completion? On top of all the Stress he'd been put through, my god he'd be doubling his moisturizing routine for a week just to make up for it.

 

"You're lucky I love you." 

 

He said it in mock exasperation, but they both felt the deeper twinges behind using declaration. 

 

They could feel the gaps in their hearts being filled to the brim with pure, unadulterated friendship, and they wouldn't give it up for the world.


End file.
